I’m going to hell

But it was worth it.

Some guy found my Skype ID on a forum I belong to and started spamming me with his freelance offers so I had some fun with him. Hilarity ensued (at least for me)…

[3:24:11 PM] freelancer_ben says: hi
[3:24:18 PM] Andrew Maule says: hey
[3:24:19 PM] Andrew Maule says: how’s it going
[3:24:27 PM] freelancer_ben says: fine
[3:24:38 PM] freelancer_ben says: I’m a we & grapphivs Freelancer
[3:24:44 PM] freelancer_ben says: and U
[3:24:57 PM] freelancer_ben says: web & Graphics
[3:25:26 PM] Andrew Maule says: i’m a dancer
[3:25:27 PM] Andrew Maule says: and farmer
[3:25:53 PM] freelancer_ben says: actually I want some freelancing project

Freelancer Ben then shot me the same promo ad he likely sends out to everyone, advertising (in broken english and about a page long) all the amazing services he offers. Look, I appreciate the hustle, but WTF, this isn’t the way to do business…

[3:26:14 PM] Andrew Maule says: can you come film a video of me dancing
[3:26:16 PM] Andrew Maule says: or tending to my crops
[3:26:21 PM] Andrew Maule says: i will pay you $20,000 USD
[3:27:12 PM] freelancer_ben says: I’m a designer man
[3:27:27 PM] freelancer_ben says: I’m not dancer or farmar
[3:27:28 PM] Andrew Maule says: where are you located
[3:27:32 PM] Andrew Maule says: I”M the dancer
[3:27:34 PM] Andrew Maule says: AND
[3:27:35 PM] freelancer_ben says: India
[3:27:35 PM] Andrew Maule says: the farmer
[3:27:39 PM] Andrew Maule says: your name is ben?
[3:27:44 PM] freelancer_ben says: ye
[3:27:53 PM] Andrew Maule says: i’ll pay for the plane ticket
[3:27:55 PM] Andrew Maule says: i’m in kentucky
[3:28:23 PM] freelancer_ben says: for what
[3:28:34 PM] Andrew Maule says: to come video tape me dancing and farming
[3:28:42 PM] Andrew Maule says: i need someone who is talented with video cameras
[3:28:51 PM] Andrew Maule says: and knows how to capture my dancing skills
[3:28:54 PM] Andrew Maule says: in the best light
[3:28:58 PM] Andrew Maule says: as well as my farming
[3:29:19 PM] freelancer_ben says: I can edit on your video…………………
[3:30:06 PM] freelancer_ben says: If you have a video………………….I can edit on them
[3:30:11 PM] Andrew Maule says: i have the video camera
[3:30:14 PM] Andrew Maule says: you won’t have to bring your own
[3:30:19 PM] Andrew Maule says: i’ll pay for the ticket right now
[3:30:23 PM] Andrew Maule says: and arrange the limosuine
[3:30:43 PM] freelancer_ben says: are u joking
[3:31:01 PM] Andrew Maule says: i never joke about my dancing or my farming

…

[3:31:05 PM] Andrew Maule says: i need this done
[3:31:11 PM] Andrew Maule says: really soon
[3:31:13 PM] Andrew Maule says: $20 grand
[3:31:14 PM] Andrew Maule says: USD
[3:31:45 PM] freelancer_ben says: but in US there are many photographer
[3:32:13 PM] Andrew Maule says: i need someone from India, someone who understands the art of dance and farming
[3:32:18 PM] Andrew Maule says: i know the indian culture appreciates these two things
[3:32:19 PM] Andrew Maule says: very much
[3:32:48 PM] freelancer_ben says: But I have not any Visa
[3:33:02 PM] Andrew Maule says: that’s ok, I know people
[3:33:06 PM] Andrew Maule says: how long can you hold your breath?
[3:33:11 PM] Andrew Maule says: are you claustrophobic?
[3:33:36 PM] freelancer_ben says: I’m a Web & Graphics Designer………………..that’s all
[3:34:32 PM] Andrew Maule says: ok, fine, you drive a hard bargain Ben.
[3:34:35 PM] Andrew Maule says: $30,000 USD
[3:34:37 PM] Andrew Maule says: Final offer

…

[3:35:08 PM] freelancer_ben says: why is it for me………………not for others
[3:35:44 PM] Andrew Maule says: i need an indian to catch the essence of what i am trying to do here
[3:35:46 PM] Andrew Maule says: not an american
[3:35:52 PM] Andrew Maule says: do you have any friends who want to make $30 grand?
[3:36:23 PM] freelancer_ben says: do u ahve any pics
[3:36:39 PM] freelancer_ben says: have
[3:36:53 PM] Andrew Maule says: of what exactly?
[3:37:08 PM] freelancer_ben says: First I want to see you
[3:37:14 PM] Andrew Maule says: my picture is right there
[3:37:33 PM] freelancer_ben says: But I cannot see you
[3:37:49 PM] Andrew Maule says: i don’t have many pictures i’m just a simple dancer
[3:37:50 PM] Andrew Maule says: a simple farmer
[3:37:54 PM] Andrew Maule says: do you have any pictures?
[3:38:01 PM] Andrew Maule says: do you have experience with farm animals
[3:38:03 PM] Andrew Maule says: at all?
[3:38:11 PM] freelancer_ben says: nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
[3:38:24 PM] Andrew Maule says: i can teach you the ways of the goat
[3:38:25 PM] Andrew Maule says: the ways of the cow
[3:38:33 PM] Andrew Maule says: it will be necessary for the kind of video i’m shooting
[3:38:50 PM] freelancer_ben says: send ny of your pics
[3:39:55 PM] freelancer_ben says: ?
[3:39:57 PM] freelancer_ben says: ?
[3:39:58 PM] freelancer_ben says: ?
[3:40:17 PM] Andrew Maule says: sorry i was outside
[3:40:18 PM] Andrew Maule says: one second
[3:40:23 PM] Andrew Maule says: what pics do you want
[3:40:27 PM] Andrew Maule says: i have pics of goats and animals
[3:40:30 PM] freelancer_ben says: any
[3:40:33 PM] Andrew Maule says: and a few of some dancing
[3:40:34 PM] Andrew Maule says: ok
[3:40:35 PM] Andrew Maule says: one second
[3:40:35 PM] freelancer_ben says: but
[3:40:38 PM] freelancer_ben says: yours
[3:40:53 PM] freelancer_ben says: send
[3:41:36 PM] Andrew Maule says: ok
[3:41:38 PM] Andrew Maule says: here is one
[3:41:40 PM] Andrew Maule says: i have more

The pic I sent:

[3:43:01 PM] freelancer_ben says: send more
[3:44:12 PM] freelancer_ben says: I want to see you
[3:44:23 PM] Andrew Maule says: well then come to kentucky already
[3:44:26 PM] Andrew Maule says: i want to see you too
[3:44:27 PM] Andrew Maule says: shooting my video
[3:44:28 PM] Andrew Maule says: ben
[3:44:31 PM] Andrew Maule says: $30grand
[3:44:37 PM] Andrew Maule says: all expenses paid

[3:45:14 PM] freelancer_ben says: I want to see your pics NOW!!!
[3:45:29 PM] Andrew Maule says: forget it ben
[3:45:33 PM] Andrew Maule says: you’re obviously not taking this offer seriously
[3:45:40 PM] Andrew Maule says: and i can tell you’re obviously aggressive
[3:45:47 PM] Andrew Maule says: and i can’t trust you with my high end video equipment
[3:45:47 PM] freelancer_ben says: yah, But I cannot know professional video capturing

[3:46:47 PM] Andrew Maule says: i understand
[3:46:49 PM] Andrew Maule says: well nevermind ben
[3:46:50 PM] Andrew Maule says: thank you
[3:46:59 PM] Andrew Maule says: i shall name one of my pigs
[3:47:00 PM] Andrew Maule says: after you
[3:47:02 PM] freelancer_ben says: you have webcam
[3:47:06 PM] Andrew Maule says: unfortunately not
[3:47:16 PM] Andrew Maule says: it broke while i was dirty dancing too hard in front of it
[3:47:20 PM] Andrew Maule says: i have to purchase a new one
[3:47:26 PM] Andrew Maule says: after i sell the rest of my recently harvested potatoes

[3:47:52 PM] freelancer_ben says: I want to see your sexy photo
[3:48:25 PM] freelancer_ben says: SEND

[3:49:01 PM] Andrew Maule says: forget it, i’m not naming a pig after you
[3:49:05 PM] Andrew Maule says: this conversation is over Ben
[3:49:08 PM] Andrew Maule says: good bye

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Ab-Norml Marketing, right up my alley aisle…

Check this out. Norml, the organization trying to reform marijuana laws in the United States has begun a geurilla marketing campaign aimed at (what we can only assume) marijuana smokers shopping for the bare necessities like eye drops and Cheetos. Check out the pictures. This is pretty clever stuff.

Kinda sucks they’re trying to target the blood shot eyed, junk food eating marijuana smokers. Why not go after the fortune 500 stoners? They might actually be a bit more inclined to get behind the movement. Take what you can get I guess

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Thought this was cool

I was Googling “burger king marketing” earlier tonight (a few minutes ago really) and found a thread on an Amazon.com forum about how “tasteless” BK marketing is these days. I thought it was a really interesting take on what I think to be pure genius. Since I rant about this kind of stuff to anyone who will listen, I think it’s important for me to take into account that the following quote might be right on the money.

I can’t help but notice that most commercials (not just BK) are getting weird. Especially for the fast food places that have no nutritionally sound products to advertise. They are hoping, I’m sure, to capture the 20-something internet-savvy viral video-watching group that makes up their most likely consumer base. Personally, I am glad they quit marketing to kids, who have no business eating that junk food to begin with.

I pretty much completely fit that target audience. This really doesn’t hurt my argument though, it’s kind of exactly what I said already. BK (and other fast food restaurants) are advertising their junk food to a new audience instead of the older crowds who are harder to reach, have already formed opinions about particular restaurants and are, excuse me for saying it, dying off.

Anyway, I just want to make a quick post to point this stuff out. I think it’s good to acknowledge and assess different point of views on stuff like this.

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Why is video marketing good?

People are pretty vocal about how great video is at converting people into actual sales, but why is this? It’s really as simple and straight forward as anyone with half a brain would imagine, it’s just more tangible social proof. There is something to be said for a testimonial with a picture and signature, but when you can actually see a living, breathing, talking human being telling you about their review or opinion of a product it has a much deeper (and different) impact.

Something I’m personally not a huge fan of is how much people are focusing on making the video itself. That’s part of the reason I made Video Marketer Pro. Imagine taking any video and optimizing it to do well no matter where it is. Think of the video as a nut in a shell. What does a potential customer or lead see first? The nut inside the shell, or the shell?

Make the shell attractive and you and get the person interested in what’s inside. If that happens to be a quality video then that’s even better, and it’ll obviously help your conversion rate. If you don’t first get people to YOUR “shell/nut” then your quality video is a waste of time.

Just food for thought for anyone thinking about jumping into video marketing.

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Burger King?

I think Burger King does really cool stuff when it comes to marketing. I’m no expert by any means, but some of the stuff is really fricken cool. Burger King ads have a very ‘advertising 2.0′ feel about them, while McDonalds still look like they’re pulling ads from the 90’s. It’s actually a depressing contrast for me.

In all fairness to McD’s I think they’re just trying to play it safe. They’re relying on a trusted brand and identity and it’s worked so far, the risk of constantly reinventing their image (kind of what BK has done) is just not worth it. This will work for some time but I think it will start to burn out once the older generations are hospitalized with clogged arteries and heart disease, and the restaurant has to start appealing to younger audiences.

Whenever I find out BK is doing something new to advertise their business, I get pretty excited. It’s always something cool. Most recently they began dropping wallets around cities with directions to the closest BK location with free coupons/gift cards. People came out of the wood work to say McD’s did this too some time back, but who cares? I don’t remember that…so it obviously didn’t have much of an impact.

The same advertising firm that is responsible for the BK “King” ads and a lot of the more recent ones are the same people responsible for the new “I’m a PC” ads from Microsoft. The image above is a lot like the PC ads actually. I just want to lay out incredible things BK has offered all of us, whether or not they seem like direct, conventional marketing or not:

• The Frypod (the new fry containers that fit in the cup holder)
• The King ad campaign (included video games, television spots, print ads, etc. etc. etc.)
• Dropping wallets in crowded cities to create viral effect
• BK agreeing to favor and prefer meat suppliers who don’t confine their animals to cages/crates
• Offering veggie burgers well before McD’s
• Offering wider variety of foods

That’s a really, really short list. I could definitely make an entire post that’s just full of bullets.

Anyway, BK has the upper hand by actually sticking in peoples’ brains while McD’s has really fallen behind. You could probably go so far as to split their marketing into two entirely different class segments. McD’s tends to market more to inner city people in the past decade while BK has focused on surbanites.

It’s really as simple as comparing their slogans and ads, just look! McD’s tried desperately and painfully to be relevant to African-Americans with their last major ad campaign, the whole “I’m lovin’ it” thing. From what I’ve read, and I have no source to back this up other than my own memory, but it worked to some extent. My gut tells me it left a lot of people (including their target audience) with a really stale taste and perception of the McD’s image. This doesn’t mean they’ll stop eating their burgers though.

P.S. I had to update this post to include the most recent thing I’ve seen on TV from BK. They’re taking three different kinds of “Whopper virgins” from around the world and getting them to compare the Big Mac to the Whopper to see which one they like best. Here’s a link to find out more. Pretty genius.

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